yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

yes-its-me-satans-daughter:

My favorite kind of Adultier Adults™ are those who actively try, like really really try, to understand millennial and GenZ humor but just can’t q u i t e get it, and turn it into something 10x funnier 

Me over the phone in bad traffic: Oh, I can move again, the road work is done

My grandpa: Uh I sure hope it isn’t 

Me: 

Gramps: 

Me: Did-

Gramps: Did I do it right 

Me with my grandpa again: What’cha doing? 

Gramps: making a video of seven seconds of joy 

Me, frightened: gramps? 

Gramps: *Sends a 7-second video of himself eating Almond Joy* Can you put it on vine for me

Me, choking up, not willing to tell him it’s gone: S-Sure 

Me, to my Grandmother over the phone: I don’t know gramma, I don’t know if English is a degree that suits me. 

Gramma: But you’ve always loved writing!

Gramps, screaming for the other side of their apartment, just audible over the phone: THAT’S HER OPINIIIOOOOOONNNNNNN!

(Over the phone at like 22:30) Me: Man I am just exhausted but can’t find any sleeping aids, are there any left from when you-

Gramps: It’s the sleeping time 

Me: yeah? 

Gramps: So it’s the time to sleep? 

Me: …. yes? 

Gramps: Might I suggest you put head on pillow and sleep? 

Me, finally realizing: You watch tiktoks. YOU watch TIKTOK. 

Gramps: Just get some warm milk, you cretin 

Gramps: *Hangs up*

Me, staring at my phone in disbelief: WH Y 

Me, over Skype: Hey gramps did you get the birthday box I sent you? You wanna know what’s in it? 

Gramps: DIS BOX EMPTY! WHEAT! 

Gramps: *Softly tosses the box onto the couch*

Me: Wh. Wheat. 

Gramps over the phone: guess what?!

Me: what?!

Gramps: my Hispanic neighbor taught me how to use freshvakdos!

Me: use… What

Gramps: you know! Freshvakdos! Guacamole!

Me: do. Do you mean fre sh avo ca do?

Gramps: YEAH

Gramps: So I heard about blessing that are actually curses so I’m going to give you one okay

Me: oh no

Gramps: oh yeah.

Me: please-

Gramps: may you receive every book you have ever wanted to read in your life

Me: ….how is this a curse

Gramps: … Only for the last chapters to be torn out and unavailable online

Me: GRAMPS NO

GRamps: GRAMPS YES

Me: *flinches as Gramps uses my deadname several times* *let’s it slip that I wear a binder* *accidentally mentions dysphoria*

Gramps: *deadname* are you okay

Me: Gramps, could you maybe call me Kai instead…?

Gramps without missing a beat or bothering to take his phone away from his face, SCREAMING to my grandma: HONEY WE’VE GOT ANOTHER GRANDTHEM!!!

Me, expecting backlash since my grandparents are conservative Mormons: *violent sobbing laughter*

TIS THE HECKIN SEASON